The Smiling Guard
Alternate Story where Atjour became a gynaecologist instead: Atjour Cervix

nightguardmod:

shootingstarsafterdark:

I… I just… This might be amusing me more than it should.

Atjour is ready for your appointment, ms Sweet Cream

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I have no words.

I do have a word. Proceed.

What dreams may come

It had been such a wonderful day for Nikolai, so many interested ponies wanting to pick his brain for information. So much incompetence in the faculty and guards. That foolish mare Arrowhead nearly let him out of his cell, oh what havoc he could have wrought then. What terrible things he could have done. How many would fall before him before the false goddesses would come to put him down? Yes it had been a very good day, but then he heard something. A sucking sound, a very annoying sucking sound. The sound that can only be made by somepony sucking at the last bits of drink in a cup with a straw. It is like gryphon claws on a chalk board, and it was coming from behind him. Turning quickly he would find a visitor not outside his cell looking in but rather sitting inside his cell staring right at him. It is pony shaped, wearing a hooded robe with dirty brown bandages wrapped about its limbs. From somewhere in the depths of that robe a black tendril is coiled about a nearly empty slushie cup. It is wearing a white mask with two black dots for eyes, a tiny pin point of red for the pupil and a crudely smeared on smile. It is at this moment though that Nikolai becomes aware of three things.

The first thing is a sound, a sort of shunk noise. It is very sudden and abrupt, it also comes with the second thing. That is pain in his back and chest, it starts out dull but is quickly growing in intensity. His limbs feel like lead weights, the pain has temporarily paralyzed him. The third thing is usually a good thing for him at least, it is the sweet coppery taste of blood. But this time, it is his own blood filling his mouth. Gushing up from his esophagus causing him to cough bloody spittle upon the floor. The sucking sound continues, the figure not moving at all just watching. The shock subsides and Nikolai is able to glance down to see what this pain is in his chest. Eyes widening in shock he sees a black tendril similar to the one holding the cup but this one is flat, thin like a blade and it is jutting out of his chest. It withdraws quickly with a schunf noise causing Nikolai to collapse onto the floor in a growing pool of blood. In his blurry field of vision he sees that cup being set in front of him.

"I… am Memory. And you are bucking with my stuff." The pain is gone, as quickly as it appeared it vanishes. The blood so warm at first that cools so quickly is also gone. Metal Fang is able to move and he quickly stands up to confront this strange intruder. "There are many things in this land that I claim, both living and not. You are dealing with things that appear to be quite incompetent and it has lead you to believe things. These things are wrong, it is true that certain members of the guard are less than stellar in their jobs. But the actions of a few does not mean that the whole is the same way." The words are very level, the speaking voice is a dull monotone that doesn’t fluctuate. When placed with the appearance of the mask it provides a sense of unease, verbal communication is also very visual. Ones emotional facial features and bodily actions need to sync up with what is being said in order for others to understand. One cannot talk about a great tragedy with a joking tone and a smile. That is a sign of mental illness or a complete disregard for basic emotions.

Nikolai opens his mouth to speak but the world blurs, changes, he is no longer in his cell now. No, he is in a town square of a place he has never seen. Ponies cursing, screaming at him, many with torches. He realizes he is tied to a stake, below him a pile of very dry wood. Then a torch falls into the wood, the fire spreads. Smoke chokes him, burning his lungs stinging his eyes. Then the flames start licking at his hooves, there is a scream then they are back in Nikolai’s cell. “Memory is not only my name, but also my power. I exist in the darkness, and in the dark I have found so many spirits who remember so much. So very much, of course that is just a warning. No, I wouldn’t kill you. Death is so final, and there are already so many waiting for you in the after life. No, I will make sure you live… A very long time…” Now the voice starts to change, it begins ramping up in both volume and intensity. “I will take three things from you first, I will take your sight. Your sense of smell, and your taste. I will do this by taking your face. And no it won’t be a smooth surface I am going to take your face leaving a gaping hole in the front of your skull. They will bandage you up, strap you to a bed and shove tubes down your face hole.”

"Some tubes will breath for you, some will pump liquid foods into your stomach. You will be trapped there, able to hear and feel all. Living a life trapped in bed, never to read another book. Never to smell the unique scent of some special pony, never taste them again… You will crave death but it will not come, no you will live a very long time. So I give you this warning… do not buck with the things that I have claimed as my own. Verbally you can give a few jabs but don’t go too far it is in poor taste. Now I believe I have eaten up enough of your time, so I will leave you be. So, take care. Behave. Enjoy what you have found, blah blah blah good behavior rewarded blah blah blah bad punished. Sorry I’m running short on time and you are about to wake up, so remember what I said." With a snort and a gasp Nikolai would wake up panting. Soaked in a cold sweat he would look around his room, that was a rather intense dream. It wouldn’t be until the morning that he would find the empty cup on the floor. Or the hole in the front and back of his shirt, something he would completely miss is the slightly curled hairs on his back legs.

Perfect.

A day in the life of Prince Butters part 3

After a nutritious lunch of soup, with lots of grunting, rolling around and some rather disturbing pelvic thrusting on the floor the Prince is ready to deal with some of his more important duties. There is the checking of the guard, which involves him running around the palace barking at nothing. Then there is the review of the castle work staff, which involves more running around and barking. Uh oh, somepony used too much floor wax! The Prince is now bouncing around a pin ball! After a little magical intervention followed by a thorough barking out Butters is off to deal with the most important part of his duties! Dealing with the many questions for his Tumblr.

Of course he gets a little help, there are so many questions to deal with. As well as the many packages that get sent to him, there is a strict screening process of course. There is no need for a repeat of the infamous veggie bomb platter incident, some health nut thought that Palace wasn’t eating enough veggies so they sent in fresh vegetables and fruits. There were mixed reactions, some enjoying others not. This did not go over well with the group of healthy eating fanatics. So they started sending veggie platter bombs. Fruit salad combustibles, it was a real mess. Someday’s one might find guards wandering about dazed and confused covered in fruit salad. Or some poor maid or butler writhing on the floor drenched in three bean salad. Dark days those were.

But each question gets a thorough going over by the Prince, those that are deemed worthy of being answered get the butt press of approval, questions to be answered later get the lick of procrastination, and finally there are the rejects. The less said about what he does to those the better, needless to say Atjour is never happy about those ones. Once that is all taken care of it is time for dinner, followed by the Royal Bath.

This takes a team of no less than four unicorns to wrangle the Prince into the royal bath tub. After his bath it is time to put the Prince to bed, if he is grumpy this requires precision team work. Less accidents happen, like a guard being bucked out a window into an inflatable cactus patch. Or falling from high places and landing on their horn. Or cemented to the walls via the glue like saliva of the Prince. But a blanket over his head puts the energenic Prince right to sleep. After being tucked in the staff takes a breather, and prepares for the next day. Wills are written, resignations are rejected, family members kidnapped so the workers will show up. For tomorrow is Prince Butter’s annual physical check up.

storiesfromthefront:

storiesfromthefront:

yes, its a different snake.
I know that’s gunna confuse folks, so i’m putting it here

Morning-ish rebaggel

Seriously follow Stormy, show the mod Sev love. The blog is NSFW but it focuses on story not porn! The porn is a side thought, it is never used to solve things! It is just a side attraction. Also expect real posts today or tomorrow. Maybe both depending how f’ed up Mr. Narrator gets on allergy medication because of the smoke from all the fires in the west are killing him.))

storiesfromthefront:

storiesfromthefront:

yes, its a different snake.

I know that’s gunna confuse folks, so i’m putting it here

Morning-ish rebaggel

Seriously follow Stormy, show the mod Sev love. The blog is NSFW but it focuses on story not porn! The porn is a side thought, it is never used to solve things! It is just a side attraction. Also expect real posts today or tomorrow. Maybe both depending how f’ed up Mr. Narrator gets on allergy medication because of the smoke from all the fires in the west are killing him.))

asksweetcream:

thetalesofwildcard:

I really hate doing anything like this, but I’m panicking a bit. I wouldn’t be doing this unless I was at the end of my rope here.

I ended up having to dump a large amount of money to satisfy a debt collection agency today and it’s knocked me a bit below water. I have a job now but I don’t make…

I dont normally reblog these things but I can speak to the trust that this isnt a frivolous want like to many others trying to take advantage of doing things they dont need in the first place and asking for handouts for it. Nick is a good guy and my bestie. I wish he could make it to Bronycon too but life is troublesome sometimes. Enough to tide one over is all he ever asks and if he could do it out of his own accord he’d never be posting this. If you feel to do so. Please throw a few his way.

What began as a careless doodle style experiment kind of turned into this.  I’ve gotta admit I really like the questions you’ve posed to other blogs, they’re always smart or entertaining.
I don’t really have context for this, only that I’m pretty certain that despite the fact me mod persona and your oc are faceless entities it doesn’t mean they’ll get along at all.

What began as a careless doodle style experiment kind of turned into this.  I’ve gotta admit I really like the questions you’ve posed to other blogs, they’re always smart or entertaining.

I don’t really have context for this, only that I’m pretty certain that despite the fact me mod persona and your oc are faceless entities it doesn’t mean they’ll get along at all.

Pony Shaming

Smiling: Before I was captured I would raid the royal pantry and leave Celestia’s cream for her coffee sitting out so it would spoil.

Memory: I like to watch ponies sleep, all of them…

Annalise: I found Westwood passed out after a Hearth’s Warming Eve party and I touched his butt! 

Mr. Narrator here, suffering from one of my rapid mood swings. Think of a metronome on speed, pondering and thinking away the day. Realizing how vague I tend to be, it is time to hammer out something. This gif here, is very close to what this blog is all about. The story of Smiling and of Memory, is about giving up. There is no hope for Smiling, and Memory denies any connection to the world. They are both alone, they would like companionship but neither is sure how friendship works. Smiling before his fall had no real friends, he had work pals. He would never meet or socialize with anyone outside of work. 

Memory is literally just a collection of bad memories and emotions, he doesn’t want to try to feel good because he feels if he did realize just how miserable he is he would end up snapping. The only ponies that they feel like they could have any form of friendship with is each other which is why Memory is trying to make Smiling whole again. That is why he claimed Cloudlantis for himself, it is an unknown place that Smiling could hide at in self imposed exile but still be near Memory. Sure they have concern for others, but that just falls back to their old life. Being a guard they were concerned about the safety of others, the happiness of the other guards was also a great concern.

If they were sad or mad that could affect their performance, if they were distracted ponies could get hurt or die. So he wanted others to smile, his own smile was infectious. By smiling the face sent signals to the brain to be happy, but the sad thing is Smiling’s smile is fake. He was never very happy, nor was he depressed he was just… numb. Neither Smiling nor Memory have any real plans beyond watching the world. They will offer a little advice, watch the life go by but other than that they have nothing. They don’t see themselves as part of this world or even something worth being a part of it. Smiling feels his past crimes have made him beyond redemption, Memory just doesn’t care. All he cares about is passing the time and keeping himself entertained thus he loses himself in the internet. 

shinyshaini:

asktechnowizard:

I swear at some point this visual gag will stop being funny.

Not this day.

*krnch krnch krnch krnch*

mini-grey:

'Nyaaah! Don't sneak up on me like that! The last time I was in here, I was mistaken for an actual pair of undies!' T 3 T

And that, my dear new followers, is the niveau this blog will continue on.

Memory: Insane, random, cute things. These are what make me smile, this is what keeps me from going nuts and slaughtering everything. Although there are a few that I should probably eliminate, just to improve the villain gene pool. 

A day in the life of Prince Butters Part Two

It is almost time for a healthy lunch, eaten off the very clean floor. The menu calls for soup today, which is extra sloppy and will mean a light shower after rolling in the soup. When will they learn that soup is best eaten through osmosis? But something is amiss, there is a presence that the Prince has not felt since… Behold his arch nemesis, not the despicable Anon who recently was used as a blunt instrument to shatter another mirror. No, this enemy is far floofier and pinker… It is none other than the FLUFFLE PUFF! So it has come to this, she has invaded the castle itself to settle their ancient feud.

PPPFBBLBL! Blblllbl! Pfffbbl! *GASP* Pffft!

BARF! BARK! BARF! BARK! BARF! BARK! GROWL!

ROUND ONE! FIGHT!

Fluffle Puff begins the round leaping into the air and hurling pink throwing stars at Butters. Butters counters by pulling a giant acorn from behind his back to block the throwing stars. It vanishes as he puts it behind his back and he lunges forward with a flying kick. Fluffle Puff gasps and dissolves into a puddle of pink fur that slides under Butters. Popping up she speaks, “Pbbblt pffft pbllblt pbblt.” (Translation: You are already defeated.) Channeling the power of the ‘Fist of the North Star’ her hooves become a blurred motion of pummeling power! Butters is powerless to stop this onslaught and falls with a loud GRRRNNNNNF! 

Round Two! FIGHT! Butters starts off strong this round with a super sonic bark attack that stuns Fluffle Puff. He follows this up with an Anon Smash right on the top of her head. Fluffle Puff attempts to dodge by becoming liquid floof again but Butters leaps away as she reforms. He lets loose another bark which Fluffle Puff avoids by ducking her head in her own fluff. She charges forward to ram Butters but he flips over her grabbing her and tossing her into the air, “BARF BARK!” (Translation: BUT IT WAS ME DIO!) Time stops for all but Prince Butters as he begins to hurl hundreds of acorns at Fluffle Puff! BARKBARKBARKBARKBARK! Time starts up again as Fluffle Puff is pummeled by hundreds of acorns. She falls to the ground alone, Butters is no where to be seen except for a growing shadow on top of Fluffle Puff. A moment later she is squished by a giant acorn with Butters standing atop it. “WRRRYYYY!” He cries as he throws his front hooves up in the air.

Round Three! FIGHT!

The final round, it all ends here! A crowd has gathered to watch this battle, the cheers grow louder! Bets are wagered, Equestria trembles as these two power houses go at it! THE APOCALYPSE IS NEIGH! REPENT YE SINNERS!!! NO BACK OFF I’M DOING GOOD! *Sounds of a struggle.* Right! Timothy here, that blasted Anon got out of the Time Out Box again. Okay so back on track here ponies, yes Fluffle Puff and Butters are fighting but nothing quite like what is going on. It is just another slap fight between the two, in fact going to take care of that right now.

Pointing to the left the memory fragment Timothy shouts, “SQUIRREL!” While simultaneously he throws a Chrysalis plushie to the right. Both combatants chase after the distraction, the fight broken up peace and quiet returns to the castle. That is until Arrowhead starts teasing the inmates again and they start a riot. 

Oh the thing with the soup, that is true. 

Now I want to see a picture of Lolo reacting to Rusty's post.
sapphire-and-greyzeek:

Chapter II - Page 2

Bit of advertising, look at this floofy fool! FLOOF! And what a smile… I can’t wait to see more of his antics you should check him out as well.

sapphire-and-greyzeek:

Chapter II - Page 2

Bit of advertising, look at this floofy fool! FLOOF! And what a smile… I can’t wait to see more of his antics you should check him out as well.

storiesfromthefront:

My surgery date got moved up! TO NOW. Catch you folks on the flip side. Hopefully I’ll come out better than I went in

Sev is going in for surgery, wish him good luck. Oh and video games are not a proper substitute for pain killers.))

storiesfromthefront:

My surgery date got moved up! TO NOW. Catch you folks on the flip side. Hopefully I’ll come out better than I went in

Sev is going in for surgery, wish him good luck. Oh and video games are not a proper substitute for pain killers.))